Bite your tongue!

In a recent leadership training on coaching and feedback, I asked the participants how comfortable they are with (1) coaching their employees and (2) giving them feedback. On a scale from 1 (lowest) to 10 (highest), the ratings deviated strongly - the group was much more comfortable with coaching than with giving feedback.

Digging deeper, I checked what they meant with „coaching“ in the first place. In essence, it was having regular 1:1 meetings in which they discussed current work-related issues and provided guidance on how to resolve them. Ouch…

Let me explain - unlike a mentor who shares own experiences and gives advice, coaching goes much deeper. A coach challenges, asks questions, and offers alternative ways of looking at a situation without being directive or judgmental. Not that giving advice is wrong, but it is not coaching, and does not provide the same insights and learnings.

The idea of coaching is to help the coachee gain their own insights, draw their own conclusions, and find their own way. No copy-paste. This is much harder, but also more sustainable and impactful. Only if you own your way of working and thinking, based on your own preferences, experiences and personality, will you be authentic and satisfied.

Next time you have a conversation with a direct report about their performance, their attitude towards work and fellow co-workers, their behavior and ways of thinking, bite your tongue and refrain from telling them what to do. Ask questions, listen actively, and share observations. You may be surprised how impactful this can be.

Picture credit: Pixaby - Alexas_Fotos